The Trap of Wanting Improvement: For Parents, Practitioners, and Helpers
- Kirsten Bonanza

- 1 hour ago
- 1 min read

Most harm to autistic people is done by people who care deeply.
The desire to help becomes dangerous when it turns into a need for progress.
Progress toward what? Comfort for whom?
If the goal is:
less disruption
easier management
better compliance
Then the work is not about the autistic person—it is about reducing adult discomfort.
Support that begins with curiosity sounds like:
What does ease look like for you?
What happens if we remove pressure instead of adding strategies?
What if nothing needs to be achieved today?
Ethical engagement requires:
consent
respect for autonomy
no attachment to visible outcomes
Different is not broken. And it is not your project to fix.
What if you create your day based not on trying to build a better box to align to this reality but on asking questions and creating space for what needs to be to be?
Give it a go and try to ask a question the next time you are coming to a conclusion and have concluded that things need to work a certain way.
What question can you be to change things right away?



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